Geoff Ramsey works at a company that makes movies out of video games, otherwise known as ‘machinima’, for a living. So obviously, when he heard about the trailer for Dead Island, he had to watch. Now, if you haven’t seen the trailer for Dead Island, you must. The internet is going gaga for it. It’s more of a CGI film than a video game trailer as there is absolutely no gameplay footage shown whatsoever. It’s about 3 minutes long and in those 3 minutes you care more for those computer generated characters than you do for any real life actor on the Walking Dead.
Now it’s important to know that Geoff has a daughter. It’s also important that you know that the Dead Island trailer follows a young girl being chased by zombies. The girl eventually gets bit, turns into a zombie, attacks her father and he her father throws her through a hotel window. The girl falls many stories to her death. Well technically she’s already dead but, anyway, fun stuff!
Back to Geoff now, who apparently cannot watch anything that depicts violence to little girls regardless of it being 100% fictional. He makes it only seconds into the video and proceeds to shut the video off and have a fit. To be honest, I did feel for the guy a bit. I mean, he obviously loves his daughter and it’s always nice to see someone feel genuine human emotion in the cold, heartless wasteland known as the internet. On the other hand though, it’s a CGI TRAILER FOR A VIDEO GAME. A video game! I love video games as much as the next person and I know art can invoke emotion but again, this is a video game. It’s not art. Roger Ebert said so!
So, to Geoff and anyone else who feels that the Dead Island trailer went to far, you are wrong. The Dead Island trailer did not go too far by throwing a little bloody zombie girl out of a window, plummeting to the ground below. The girls father neglected to shoot her in the head. And we all know that is the only way to kill a zombie!
Joe Power is a psychic. He was supposed to have a show. His show was cancelled. I could not have foreseen this show being cancelled. Neither could he. I, however, don’t claim to be a psychic.
A picture is worth a thousand words. Or, in this case, one? The GOP apparently submitted an anti-abortion bill that violated the very rules they created. Anthony Weiner calls them out. No, no. That’s wrong. He HARDCORE calls them out and the Internet is currently loving him for it.
If you’re a politics nerd and want to watch grown men yelling at each other over abortion, I’ve embedded the video below. Oh yeah, a congressWOMAN tries to get a word in for about 20 minutes but they keep ignoring her. I mean, why would HER opinion matter on a topic like abortion?
Two days ago Gawker broke the story of Republican Congressman Chris Lee, the “Craigslist Congressman”. Apparently this married Congressman from New York was perusing Craigslist, picking up chicks as a ‘single lobbyist’. Ah, the ol’ ‘single lobbyist’ trick! It works every time!
Anyway, the dude actually resigned over this. What amounts to nothing more than a married guy simply saying he’s single yet doing nothing wrong while not wearing a shirt and flexing his muscle is why this guy is resigning. I can’t say I really case as it’s just one less Republican but really? How’s this guy supposed to go swimming?
This video has been making it’s way around the Internet for the past few weeks now. Liberals, conservatives, religious folk, scientists…they’re all coming out and making a big to-do thanks to Bill O’Reilly! All Bill O’Reilly did was ask a question. This seems like such an obvious question to anyone in the 3rd or 4th grade but, judging by the response to this video, apparently NO ONE HAS EVER ASKED THIS QUESTION BEFORE.
Disturbingly though, no one has thought about the real victims of this question. You know, the ones who are now having an incredibly awkward conversation now that whole ‘a-stork-brought-you’ story has fallen apart. That’s right, I am talking about Mother Earth and the little guy himself, the Moon. Can you imagine the conversation?
Moon: Mom! Bill O’Reilly is questioning why I exist! Mother Earth: Don’t be silly, MOON. The stork brought you. Bill O’Reilly (via YouTube video the Moon is showing his mom): Where’d the moon come from? How’d it get there? How’d it get there? Moon: Mom, I’m 4.5 billion… Mother Earth: I know, I know, we’re the same age, son. I guess it is time you knew the truth. About 4.5 billion years ago I was a beautiful, young space mass. I was just beginning to develop and boy did the rest of the solar system start to take notice… Moon: EWW, MOM! Mother Earth: Anyway! I was young and naive and an asteroid…or some sort of mass… Moon: You don’t know who my dad is!? Mother Earth:He could even be a planet now, all I know is that he ran off like the deadbeat he…LIKE I WAS SAYING THOUGH, he plowed into me and you popped out! Moon: I will never speak to you again.
And there you have it, folks! So when the inevitable happens and the moon fully turns to the dark side we all know he has (thanks to his dad, no doubt!), we can all thank Bill O’Reilly for eternal darkness at night.
Larry the Cable Guy is a national treasure. So much so, that he is now a part of History! Now we will never forget about Larry’s heroic bravery at the Battle of the Bulge. No? That’s not right? Did he free the slaves? Wrong again? Did he at least create sleeveless flannel shirts? What’s that you say? I misread the story? Larry the Cable Guy is now a part of the History Channel? But that doesn’t make any sense!
Oh well. Now in a few 100 years when humans are gone and aliens land on what’s left of Earth, they’ll find the History Channel videos and think they’re some sort of historical document. The human race’s legacy will then be that of Larry the Cable Guy traveling around America. Wonderful!
Alright, alright. I know we’ve all seen this video. And, no, I’m not finding it for the first time now. But I will put my two cents in regardless of how late those two cents are.
Basically this poor rat gets on the subway after (I’m sure) paying $2.25 at the turnstile and he’s just trying to find a way to reach a seat. This rat must be no higher than an inch or two off the ground and, we all know, the MTA doesn’t care about the disabled, the vertically challenged or rats – just like they don’t care about us normals.
ANYWAY, the rat gets on the subway and this dude with a video camera or an iPhone just gets all up in this rats grill! The video clearly shows that, just like a celebrity, the rat is just trying to get away from this rodent Paparazzo. Maybe the camera dude thought this rat was Patton Oswalt but the poor rat was clearly just looking for some privacy. In the heat of the moment, the rat saw a way up onto a seat before the rat realizes, “EW! It’s a bum! NOW I am filthy and who knows what sort of diseases the New York ones carry!”
On top of all the rat has just gone through, the homeless guy shoves the poor little fella’ back down to the floor. What a terrible day this rat was having! And before I receive hate mail for my insensitivity to the homeless, ask yourself this question: Would YOU rather nestle with a cute little rat or a homeless dude in NYC?
Clever, clever CollegeHumor. It’s Foursquare…BUT FOR SEX! Very clever commentary on their part as people are addicted to “checking in to” and “tweeting about” where they are to the point where they are missing out on the experience. However this idea isn’t just humorous, it absolutely must become reality! No one watches a video of someone entering a diner to get pumped when they go out to eat. Nor does anyone record themselves via webcam scoring a great buy on shoes. Yet here we are telling everyone where we are. Unnecessary technology? Maybe, maybe not. But, people DO watch porn while having sex. People DO broadcast video of themselves doing the nasty on the Internet. Technology is already in the bedroom (or on the kitchen counter), a ‘Foursquare for sex’ is the obvious next step!
So kudos, CollegeHumor! ‘Foursquare for sex’ just might be another one of your clever comedy bits or it just might be the next Facebook.
Something tells me that having a Japanese child hanging around your house on Christmas morning would make things extra special. Just take a look at them giddy as hell as they play with a McDonald’s Happy Meal toy. That’s right. A McDONALD’S HAPPY MEAL TOY. SHIT. I mean, if I was half that excited about ANYTHING life would be pretty good. Yes, I know it’s not some crappy random Happy Meal toy. It’s a Spongebob Squarepants toy. But, come on, Spongebob’s been around for like a decade now. It’s not that exciting. But, hell, they are little Japanese children and they have to play up the stereotype. Well done, stereotypical Japanese children.
When Sarah Palin becomes President in 2012, at least we all know that Barack Obama will find work. Obviously, this is not Barack Obama but it is quite obviously someone portraying the President. Apparently, KFC China has a new fish sandwich. Apparently, someone thought it would be a great idea to put a fake Obama in the commercial to talk about ‘change’ in an attempt to market said fish sandwich. Apparently, one commercial was not enough.
